Just Be Yourself (Click Here)
Welcome to the first post on my new blog. I hope that the things I will be sharing on here will help you through daily challenges and contribute to you becoming a stronger person. Each post is based purely on my own experience. I will tell you exactly what challenge I have gone through and how I have overcome this challenge. I will also tell you how to grow through these challenges as fast as you can, along with recommending the best material I can find that will be of use to you as well.
“Morning, Arron, how are things, buddy?” He said.
“Hey man, I’m not feeling too great today, to be honest with you, but I think it will get better.”
My friend/colleague looked slightly baffled but concerned by my response.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not quite sure, the last couple of weeks have been weird, I feel very confused and pretty down. It seems to be getting worse.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, you just have to keep on going and give yourself time to feel better. Remember your health comes before anything else.”
As short as this conversation was, it just so happened to be one of the best conversations I have ever had. For the first time, I felt I was being real. I managed to let out at least some form of how I felt, and I was rewarded with such an enlightening conversation with a good friend. Let me break it right down for you…
We have been brought up being taught to “toughen up” or “harden up”. And we believe this is right because when we were younger, we were more vulnerable to information, our brains were like sponges when we were very young! We could trust, love, and give out joy more than we are able to now. That’s why I always say that when we were very young, more intelligence flowed from you naturally. You haven’t been tricked into conditioning yet. You followed your body and its natural responses. For example, do you remember that time in Primary school or Nursery, when something bothered you and you began to cry? You didn’t see a problem with crying back then, or screaming, shouting. You let your body release the energy that had to be let out at that time for you to function properly again, and the way your body feels is never wrong. Then the teacher (he or she has been conditioned and tricked also) came along… “Stop crying! It’s okay! Stop crying, now or I will send you to the naughty corner, or give you detention!” What does this do to us in the long run? It makes us think that we shouldn’t trust our bodies, that crying isn’t okay, that our bodies only way to release these certain energies is “wrong” and it also affects us in another way. Guilt. This is how guilt comes about, we are told that crying is “wrong”, and are taught to “toughen up”, not allowing us to release built up feelings which then turn into surplus energies, making us “bitter” or “bitchy”. Then what? The feelings and energies that we were meant to release outwards, release themselves inwards, affecting us on a psychological and emotional level. Shaping our future, older selves, making us less likely to trust, love and be happy. I feel that so many people struggle to maintain a relationship or a close friendship because of this, they are scared to be hurt, for their trust to be broken because when this happens, we feel certain energies that make us want to scream, or cry. And remember, we have been tricked never to go with how our body feels, that crying is wrong and that it makes you weak when actually, it is the other way around! Much bullying can be associated with this too, lots of which I experienced myself. You cry, you get called a “cry baby” and other kids laugh at you because they have been conditioned to think that crying is wrong and makes you less of a strong person also. Again, we feel guilty for our bodies natural responses. When people are in a toxic relationship, for example, they are in it because again, they are scared to be hurt, to cry, to scream, to be left broken hearted, if one breaks up with the other, something will happen inside and they won’t like the feeling that is going to be produced, so what do they do? They stay in their toxic relationship that is now compiled with more fear and distrust, along with resentment and anger.
Another example of how guilt comes about… When we were very young again, sitting at the dinner table, our bodies didn’t feel like eating, but we are shouted at, disciplined for not wanting to eat and to go with how our body is feeling! When you look at it this way, it’s crazy to think that some of us were screamed at for listening to our intelligent bodies, just because our parents felt superior towards us and thought that their minds knew better than their bodies! Let me ask you this – How can one’s mind be superior to one’s body, it cannot “think a feeling”, but the body, however, can certainly feel a thought. Hence the famous saying, “thought fuels emotion”. It’s really that simple. The same goes for when we didn’t want to sleep when 7pm came around. Our bodies were not tired yet, we argued the fact that we did not feel like sleeping, our body, again, has proved intelligent. I am not saying that we should be sleeping at 5 am and waking up at 7 am just because our bodies weren’t tired till then. I am saying that, for some of us, our parents responded to our bodies natural feelings by shouting and screaming at us, thinking again that their minds were superior, making us feel guilty for the way we originally felt! Causing as again, not to trust how we feel, when really, we should have been given love and care, lessons in more of a peaceful manner in regard to how we need sleep to bring in a good and healthy routine.
The best things in life come about when we follow our hearts and feelings of our bodies, so how can we expect our minds to be superior? The body yields in feeling, the mind resists in thought, if not guided by the heart.
When something happens that makes us want to cry or scream, due to our conditioning, we close our hearts. We shut our insecurities and pain inside a dark room and throw the key away, and when these feelings have a chance to be let out, when somebody pokes and provokes your “weak spot” we close again, because we don’t want to feel these feelings again that came from the root cause of a situation that happened in your past. We don’t realise that to get rid of those negative feelings they must be released. It sounds so simple this way. The door must be opened and kept open for us to allow movement, joy and progress in our lives, even if it means getting hurt it will make you grow stronger. We must realise that it is okay to cry and scream at times when we are hurt, in order for us to continue to let love in and out. How can we receive and give love if we are closed? If our doors are locked and shutters are down, how can anything get in?
This is how “fronts” come about in day to day life, we are so scared to show people how we really feel on a certain day or week because we don’t want to be thought of as this weak person who can be sensitive. We are scared that we will be laughed at, judged, bullied, thought of as “weird”. This all comes together in one big puzzle. We do not feel comfortable with how our body feels and once these feelings that are not let out from the past situation that caused them in the first place become closed up. They turn into negativity, thoughts fuelling emotions.
A good start to fix this conditioning is by telling someone on a daily basis how you really feel, allowing your body to know that it is okay, that you trust how it feels and you are not afraid to tell others how you feel either. Authenticity really goes a long way and we underestimate this. Have you ever thought of the reason why the best salespeople or work colleagues are really the best? Because they show extremely vast, shining lights of authenticity and realness, allowing them to progress and be rewarded by life as they yield in their feelings and hearts, affecting others in incredible manners too.
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